Social Media ... Social Prison

Iam_salamat liked your picture
@morenike_xx commented on your picture 'so cute'
@slay_erin mentioned you in a comment "@frozenfirenaija bae you look...."
No other notification can make me as happy as the above makes me. I would joyfully open my Instagram to check the number of likes i have successfully acquired on my picture because even though my mirror tells me everyday how beautiful i am, it never convinced me as much as seeing more than a hundred likes on a picture. It gives me a degree of satisfaction knowing my Mary-K foundation, Classic concealer and hours of searching for the right edit didn't go to waste .
  You might go about saying there's more to like than social media, you can deny it to everyone that you don't fancy public attention but you can't decieve yourself. You know you would be happier than you are if you were social media famous and probably wouldn't be bothered by this recession. If you had has many followers as Taylor swift and social media fans as Wizkid, committing suicide would be the last thing on your mind or maybe not even on your mind at all.

  "See your hairy armpit, learn to shave sister!"

Mummy! I am bleeding!

                                        

 I remember vividly the first day I started my menstruation.
    I was home with my brother and a friend of his when I felt the moisture in between my thighs as if something was trickling down very slowly yet managed to stop just between the lines of my pants and the hairs of my pubic part. It was strange yet similar to the usual release of mucus which had started about a month before.
In frustration, I had dragged my lazy self away from the sitting room where the interesting gist was going on and went to the toilet to take a shower, pee or maybe poo.
  Anything to ease my self of the discomfort.
   I undressed, pulled down my panties and I almost yelled in disbelief, surprise and definitely  disgust at the sight before me. My pant was soaked with thick black blood and also had thick clots like red jellies or chewing gum. I pulled off the pant and threw it in the dustbin immediately then wiped my 'area' with a tissue.  The tissue came out with a lighter shade of red and I remembered my integrated science classes about puberty and tossed the tissue angrily into the dustbin.
I hated puberty immediately. Most of my friends hadn't started yet and I began to worry that would stare at me like a freak when I excused myself to the toilet holding a black nylon like the seniors did or when I would have to ask them to help me 'check' like my sister, @bumzie_shawty always did.
The blood was irritating and I took a shower then put on another pant, when that one got soaked, I tossed it in the dustbin again. I soon ran out of pants and when mum found out I had thrown them away even after she had thought me how to place a sanitary pad on the pant, she was furious but she taught me how to clean up the blood properly.
It's a very irritating procedure, come see.

DEAR DIARY

Concluding part two.

   Priscilla dumbed his black African behind but didn't block him off her social media as we suggested. She was stronger than we thought. I hadn't talked her into breaking up with him, i had talked her into realising she deserved better ...made her see the reasons why she didn't need a guy like him to mess up her mascara but to my surprise, she hadn't felt bad about herself or even cry for having to let go. She was glad she was pulling off the leach and was ready to move on like it was no man's business.
  From her account, everyone already knew their relationship wasn't going anywhere and it was a shameful thing to have other female friends tell her what Prince told them . Once one of them sent a screenshot of her chat with Prince,who continued to flirt with her denying his love for Priscillia. He even referred to her as 'the pest' .
    At that moment she knew she had lost him but couldn't get herself to admit that she had been played and humiliated . It was definitely going to be hard starting over with someone else or so she thought and decided to keep enduring until my motivational speech that touched the depths of her heart and made her make the right decision.
I remember her quoting C.S lewis "love is not an affectionate feeling but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." i had smiled when she said that . It was obvious she had studied to have the right words to fight for her. The student had surpassed the teacher and was ready to live by the truth.
   Love didn't have to come from a sexual relationship, it lied in the heart and the way you see yourself. Yes, we saw our selves as the best and were determined to become even better.     Tomorrow is going to be a big day for all of us . Priscilla is travelling to California to spend the rest of her vacation with her brother ,Fedel and Karmsi would be going back to school leaving Peace and I in each other's hands. We would be fine and i would finally call the number on the paper in my left hand and see if i could share my better half with someone who's worth it.

The end.

DEAR DIARY

Concluding part

Dear diary,
  If anyone had told me i'd have so much fun than i've ever had in my entire life in a month i would have disagreed because a month ago i had been suffering from antisocial personality disorder , refusing to chill with my best friend outside the four walls of my house or hers, unwilling to open the door of our friendship to new friends and allowing myself to be eaten up by trust issues and inability to feel free.
  Karmsi sure had no problem making new friends but with me,it was like i had a constraint holding my arms from embracing the thoughts of a new friendship even on group chats, i maintained my status as a ghost member and with the weird pictures and memes i used for my profile picture,there was no way anyone would be interested in me. I had no friend in school, no friend in church and even at home, Isaac was the only person i could call a friend even though he was more of 'that friend' than 'this friend'. You might think there is no difference but there is if you know what i am saying.
My new friends were the bomb! Beautiful, Fashionable,Fun-loving and Outgoing. Our fresh start was the best as we already knew everything we had to know about each other. I knew Priscilla dos and donts, Peace's hot temperament and they both knew how my palms get sweaty and my limbs go weak when i get to a place i haven't been before or meet someone i haven't met before. Rome wasn't built in a day, i was going to learn to set down my fear and focus on what was more important: Never letting anyone intimidate me again.
  We did hang out with Favour too and till now i still don't know if she is more of a foodie than Karmsi or if Karmsi is still the only one worthy of a ' World's greatest foodie' award, if such thing ever existed but i do know that while my best friend added weight over the summer, our numerous lunch,brunch and quick snacks at eateries had no effect on Favour's body weight. Only God knows where all the food went.  You might wonder what happened to Prince and as much as i hate to mention him ,it wouldn't kill to chip in a little gossip.

DEAR DIARY

Scene five
Episode eleven
   My faded smile bloomed again, bright and rosy as it was before the smirk she had planted on her face when she lifted her head from her phone. Her reply was a muscle relaxer. I had half expected something that would annoy me and irritate my ears,  something that would make me ask Karmsi to pull off her cap,throw it away and shove her phone down her throat.
  It did prove me right though, Favour had been listening to everything and her reply was an evidence that they had told her all that happened. The way people spread news . I wondered how many other people they had told in the name of having 'a hot gist'. Did i care? No, i had nothing to hide anymore and i could tell Favour liked me immediately.
   Priscilla and Peace were still laughing at Favour's reply and so was Karmsi and i. We all didn't expect to hear that from her. Laughing and giggling like nothing had gone wrong.
The past had been buried. "As much as i hate to share our pizza , i will go get it from the counter now. It should be ready." Karmsi smiled and crossed her arms "Karmsi Alaribe? " Priscilla asked and Karmsi nodded. "Oh my goodness, the foodie Karmsi ! Melvin's sister??" Karmsi laughed and nodded again. They began to talk and i humbly offered to get the pizza and our drinks to join them at their table while they did the proper greetings and introduction.
  So while everyone in the country was complaining about the 'change' that ruined the economy, my definition of a change was different. Priscilla and Peace were ready to change their impression about me and other ordinary people. Our official enemy status was going to change.
  We were going to be friends and i was going to change too.
Karmsi had ensured that, i would be Abigail and Abigail alone not 'The clumsy clown', not 'the flirt' just myself.  At the counter i picked up the box of Pizza and looked at the cute attendant, he smiled and surreptitiously tossed me a small paper.
"Please call me" it read and his mobile number was written handsomely on the next line. I looked up and he was gone.
This was going to best summer of my life.

DEAR DIARY

Scene five
Episode ten

   The look on their faces was priceless. Peace looked like she had been apprehended by a white cop and was scared of being shot for being a black. The recent killings of black people living abroad sure had an effect on everyone.
   Priscilla's eyes held a sparkle so bright,i could tell she bought everything i had said and would do anything to listen to more. I wasn't wrong, i could sense her interest. She liked me.  Favour on the other hand blanketed herself with her phone, avoiding a eye contact. One last selfie before she blasted me? Or was she capturing the first time an ordinary person stood up to her friend?
Priscilla stuttered and stammered as she talked. " You have....Prince is.... Peace didn't...Why should i..." Then she heaved a sigh and forced herself to say the long awaited truth. They were...' kind of' cruel. 'Kind of' tell me why you can't toss your pride aside and do the right thing.
  There was a time i would have done anything to be friends with her but with the bad first impression between us, things was definitely going to be different.
    I hadn't asked Peace to apologise to me before forgiving her because i knew even if my words pierced her heart, her pride wouldn't let her say the apology in words though it was painted on her face like the facial colour paints done for kids on children's day. She was apologetic.
   Who would have thought she would be apologetic?  Sometimes i wonder what would have happened if i had picked my first choice.      Maybe Karmsi and i would have been victorious because Peace's bottle of fanta was already empty and Maybe we still would have lost, they were three and the only person who could fight was Karmsi...definitely not me. I was a Peace Maker... I am still a peace maker even though i have also learnt to fight but only with the greatest weapon the world can ever create, my words.
   Anyway none of that mattered anymore. The past wasn't going to define the present, it was going to reshape our future as friends.

  Favour finally dropped her phone and turned to me with a smirk.

DEAR DIARY

Scene five
Episode nine

  I straightened up and looked so deep into her eyes,i could see my reflection. My hair wasn't good looking but that wasn't what mattered.  What mattered was Karmsi was on the edge and i could feel her oozing with anger.
" i am so disappointed in you, Priscy. I expected you to be more cultured and disciplined but all i have seen in you is so much strife and pain because you are threatened by everything and everyone. You have no mind of yours and your friend Peace has been a bad influence..." Peace looked up and made to interrupt me but Priscilla gestured to her to be calm and keep quiet. Karmsi snickered very inaudibly, only i heard her and i felt  successful within me. I wasn't winning neither was i losing. I was making a point and with the look on Priscilla's face, i could tell my words were being nailed to her hypothalamus.
I continued " I believe you are an awesome person and you are just letting the fame you have cloud your judgement about other ordinary people. The rich talk to the rich and the famous to the famous, right? You don't want to be that way. " i paused letting my words sink into her mind before i continued "Everything that has happened in the past has been a misunderstanding. Our first meeting was my bad and i apologise again but i wasn't hitting on Prince. He isn't even worth it. No offence but he doesn't deserve you. I know am not in position to say this but Prince is not the best thing that can happen to you. Peace should have told you what he said." I threw her a questioned look and she pressed her lips together in withdrawal. "Peace, just so you know your behaviour the other day was uncalled for and you did not only embarrass me, you tarnished your own image too. Thank God no one took pictures. You might believe you can beat everyone up because you have the size of a professional bouncer but self control is stronger than a fist even sharper than a doubled edged sword.  I forgive you both and i hope you take my advice." Karmsi scratched my elbow.
She was feeling me. I was on fire.
Maybe self control wasn't the only thing sharper than a spear, words were and they fought for me dutifully.